Not to sound stupid, but what is white feminism? I didn't know there was more that just Feminism. from Anonymous
It’s easy to say “don’t give people so much power to hurt you,” but that does not address our need for connection and acceptance. It does not account for the very healthy impulse to seek feedback on our perceptions of the world. I believe that the healthiest person, when persistently rejected, will witness either an erosion of their mental boundaries or an erosion of their ability to engage in intimacy. I also believe that the only way to maintain good mental boundaries, to counteract social rejection, and to assess when to disengage, is to have strong self-knowledge and self-confidence, and to engage in self-compassion and care. In other words, to engage in behaviors that build your self-esteem.
i also really like this part:
“Why am I so afraid in this relationship when there’s no imminent physical danger?”
If you find yourself asking yourself this question, check your boundaries. Do you know where they are? How much power have you given to others to affect your well-being, your self esteem, even your desire to live? Remember, when you give someone the power to affect you and to come into your mind, you are only loaning what belongs to you. If you are afraid, you have given too much. When you look forward, do you see choices? Is leaving the relationship a viable option? Is changing the relationship a viable option? Is setting boundaries a viable option? What happens when I say “no”?
but i wonder what happens/wish there was a good resource for people with anxiety issues where the answer is “because of your brain.”
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This is a really detailed list of accessibility questions for event planners, so that they can make it clear to people with disabilities whether the event will work for them or not.
It’s awesome. We need more stuff like this.
Alternatively, some fans may find it tempting to argue “Well this media is a realistic portrayal of societies like X, Y, Z”. But when you say that sexism and racism and heterosexism and cissexism have to be in the narrative or the story won’t be realistic, what you are saying is that we humans literally cannot recognise ourselves without systemic prejudice, nor can we connect to characters who are not unrepentant bigots. Um, yikes. YIKES, you guys.
And even if you think that’s true (which scares the hell out of me), I don’t see you arguing for an accurate portrayal of everything in your fiction all the time. For example, most people seem fine without accurate portrayal of what personal hygiene was really like in 1300 CE in their medieval fantasy media. (Newsflash: realistically, Robb Stark and Jon Snow rarely bathed or brushed their teeth or hair). In real life, people have to go to the bathroom. In movies and books, they don’t show that very much, because it’s boring and gross. Well, guess what: bigotry is also boring and gross. But everyone is just dying to keep that in the script.
YES YES YES THIS FOREVER
(TRIGGER WARNING: discussion of cissexism, cissexist language/slurs, suicide (it gets better campaign), rape apologism, victim-blaming, body-shaming, slut-shaming)
Oh where to start with Dan Savage…
Anon, I live in Seattle. Dan Savage writes for a local publication here called the Stranger. Seattle seems to have a love-hate relationship with it. I personally, (as a journalism/news media snob) would never read it.
Savage is a gay married man. He is somewhat of a celebrity in the gay community. I say gay instead of queer because he does not always acknowledge all facets of our community.
He and his husband started the It Gets Better project, which has helped many queer youth swerve away from the suicidal path.
So he has done some really awesome things. Personally, as a journalist, I do not think that his articles are as awesome as people seem to think. He is harsh and rude for no reason. He crosses the line between forceful opinionated journalism, and mirrors the conservatives he so publicly loathes in his close minded opinions and unwillingness to hear multiple sides of a story that challenges his almighty opinion.
Oh and my favorite thing about Dan Savage is he tends to sway on the side of “they asked for it” when it comes to rape victims and slut shaming. Just the topper on the cake.
Again, these are all my personal opinions. For all of Savage’s links here are his column links.
Scrappy (blogger/PQ guest writer)
I agree with Scrappy on this topic, anon. While Dan Savage has done AMAZING things for the gay and lesbian community, he DOES exclude or outright INSULT many minorities within the queer community - namely bisexuals, pansexuals, and those in the trans* community.
Sources for these accusations are located here:
He HAS also been accused (a number of times) for being a rape apologist, slut-shamer, AND racist.
Sources for these accusations follow:
While I think that the It Gets Better Campaign is a well-meaning project, it DOES offer false hopes to some - especially if members of the community are excluded/ignored.
QueerWatch discusses this much further here: http://queerwatch.tumblr.com/post/1238368677/why-i-dont-like-dan-savages-it-gets-better
When these accusations are brought to his attention he either does not respond or reiterate the fact that most of his worst statements occurred a number of years ago. The problem is: IT IS A RE-OCCURRING ISSUE.
His most recent bout of news: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/02/dan-savage-glitterbombed-oregon-transphobia-_n_1071627.html
And, lastly… if anyone is interested, there is also a tumblr just for Dan Savage regarding all the aforementioned topics: http://fucknodansavage.tumblr.com/
I hope that answers your question, anon. Good day to you. <3
Riley (PQ creator/editor)
P.S. If you would like to see videos of Dan Savage actually SAYING these things, simply type things like ‘Dan Savage biphobia’, ‘Dan Savage cissexism’, etc. into youtube’s search engine.
The resources are endless really…
Basically, not at all a credible spokesperson for anti-bullying or for a sizable portion of the queer community.
ooh, lots of links on Dan Savage’s awfulness compiled into one easy-to-reblog thing!