why i can't predict the weather past the storm

It’s easy to say “don’t give people so much power to hurt you,” but that does not address our need for connection and acceptance. It does not account for the very healthy impulse to seek feedback on our perceptions of the world. I believe that the healthiest person, when persistently rejected, will witness either an erosion of their mental boundaries or an erosion of their ability to engage in intimacy. I also believe that the only way to maintain good mental boundaries, to counteract social rejection, and to assess when to disengage, is to have strong self-knowledge and self-confidence, and to engage in self-compassion and care. In other words, to engage in behaviors that build your self-esteem.

» Guest post: On consent in romantic relationships > More Than Two Book Blog (via brutereason)

i also really like this part:

Why am I so afraid in this relationship when there’s no imminent physical danger?”

If you find yourself asking yourself this question, check your boundaries. Do you know where they are? How much power have you given to others to affect your well-being, your self esteem, even your desire to live? Remember, when you give someone the power to affect you and to come into your mind, you are only loaning what belongs to you. If you are afraid, you have given too much. When you look forward, do you see choices? Is leaving the relationship a viable option? Is changing the relationship a viable option? Is setting boundaries a viable option? What happens when I say “no”?

but i wonder what happens/wish there was a good resource for people with anxiety issues where the answer is “because of your brain.”


lomadia:

johndarnielle:

byhannahrosengren:

Plant These To Help Save Bees: 21 Bee-Friendly Plants. Learn more here!
Hannah Rosengren 2013

you could really plant these in any vacant lot if you didn’t get caught, the ones on this list I’m familiar with grow with little or no tending! Free the Bee!

Just bought a load of these for my parents’ garden in their new house :D
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lomadia:

johndarnielle:

byhannahrosengren:

Plant These To Help Save Bees: 21 Bee-Friendly Plants. Learn more here!

Hannah Rosengren 2013

you could really plant these in any vacant lot if you didn’t get caught, the ones on this list I’m familiar with grow with little or no tending! Free the Bee!

Just bought a load of these for my parents’ garden in their new house :D

(Source: hannah-rosengren)


Introducing: Individual Access to JSTOR

jstor:

To our amazing and vocal Tumblr followers:

We are so happy to announce JPASS, a monthly or annual individual plan that provides access to 1,500 journals from JSTOR’s archive collection. This represents 83% of all available content in the JSTOR archive.

JPASS offers people unlimited online reading from an expansive library of high quality journals across 50 subject areas. JPASS holders also get a MyJSTOR account, enabling them to access JSTOR 24/7 from any device. In addition, this personalized access provides everyone with the ability to set up alerts for specific search terms or journals; to save and export citations; and, as a unique feature, to enjoy a personal library of saved article downloads, which are preserved and accessible to you—even if your JPASS expires.

We offer two JPASS plans: an annual plan for $199 that includes 120 downloads per year, or a month-to-month plan for $19.50, which includes10 downloads per month.

We are so, so thankful for support we’ve received on Tumblr! As a thank you, we are offering you a$20 discount on the annual plan. Please click here to register.

Feel free to message me here with any questions or comments.

Happy researching!

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Alternatively, some fans may find it tempting to argue “Well this media is a realistic portrayal of societies like X, Y, Z”. But when you say that sexism and racism and heterosexism and cissexism have to be in the narrative or the story won’t be realistic, what you are saying is that we humans literally cannot recognise ourselves without systemic prejudice, nor can we connect to characters who are not unrepentant bigots. Um, yikes. YIKES, you guys.

And even if you think that’s true (which scares the hell out of me), I don’t see you arguing for an accurate portrayal of everything in your fiction all the time. For example, most people seem fine without accurate portrayal of what personal hygiene was really like in 1300 CE in their medieval fantasy media. (Newsflash: realistically, Robb Stark and Jon Snow rarely bathed or brushed their teeth or hair). In real life, people have to go to the bathroom. In movies and books, they don’t show that very much, because it’s boring and gross. Well, guess what: bigotry is also boring and gross. But everyone is just dying to keep that in the script.

How to be a fan of problematic things (via evewithanapple)

YES YES YES THIS FOREVER

(Source: ladysaviours)


ASK: What’s the story about Dan Savage? (I made this response post re-bloggable for those who requested it).

ihavechortles:

bubonickitten:

projectqueer:

(TRIGGER WARNING: discussion of cissexism, cissexist language/slurs, suicide (it gets better campaign), rape apologism, victim-blaming, body-shaming, slut-shaming)

Oh where to start with Dan Savage…

Anon, I live in Seattle. Dan Savage writes for a local publication here called the Stranger. Seattle seems to have a love-hate relationship with it. I personally, (as a journalism/news media snob) would never read it. 

Savage is a gay married man. He is somewhat of a celebrity in the gay community. I say gay instead of queer because he does not always acknowledge all facets of our community. 

He and his husband started the It Gets Better project, which has helped many queer youth swerve away from the suicidal path. 

So he has done some really awesome things. Personally, as a journalist, I do not think that his articles are as awesome as people seem to think. He is harsh and rude for no reason. He crosses the line between forceful opinionated journalism, and mirrors the conservatives he so publicly loathes in his close minded opinions and unwillingness to hear multiple sides of a story that challenges his almighty opinion.

Oh and my favorite thing about Dan Savage is he tends to sway on the side of “they asked for it” when it comes to rape victims and slut shaming. Just the topper on the cake.

Again, these are all my personal opinions. For all of Savage’s links here are his column links

Love,

Scrappy (blogger/PQ guest writer)

————————————————————————————————

I agree with Scrappy on this topic, anon. While Dan Savage has done AMAZING things for the gay and lesbian community, he DOES exclude or outright INSULT many minorities within the queer community - namely bisexuals, pansexuals, and those in the trans* community.

Sources for these accusations are located here:

He HAS also been accused (a number of times) for being a rape apologist, slut-shamer, AND racist.

Sources for these accusations follow:

While I think that the It Gets Better Campaign is a well-meaning project, it DOES offer false hopes to some - especially if members of the community are excluded/ignored.

QueerWatch discusses this much further here: http://queerwatch.tumblr.com/post/1238368677/why-i-dont-like-dan-savages-it-gets-better

When these accusations are brought to his attention he either does not respond or reiterate the fact that most of his worst statements occurred a number of years ago. The problem is: IT IS A RE-OCCURRING ISSUE.

His most recent bout of news: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/02/dan-savage-glitterbombed-oregon-transphobia-_n_1071627.html

And, lastly… if anyone is interested, there is also a tumblr just for Dan Savage regarding all the aforementioned topics: http://fucknodansavage.tumblr.com/

I hope that answers your question, anon. Good day to you. <3

Sincerely,

Riley (PQ creator/editor)

P.S. If you would like to see videos of Dan Savage actually SAYING these things, simply type things like ‘Dan Savage biphobia’, ‘Dan Savage cissexism’, etc. into youtube’s search engine.

The resources are endless really…

He’s also ableist and sizeist. :/ 

Basically, not at all a credible spokesperson for anti-bullying or for a sizable portion of the queer community.

ooh, lots of links on Dan Savage’s awfulness compiled into one easy-to-reblog thing!


how to decode a person with an anxiety disorder

well-behavedwoman:

capricarnal:

euclase:

things we are trying to do all the time:

  1. be safe

things we can’t help but do all the time:

  1. second-guess ourselves
  2. behave impulsively and reactively
  3. take everything personally
  4. worry
  5. worry
  6. worry
  7. have difficulty accepting compliments
  8. have difficulty reciprocating friendly gestures
  9. have difficulty finding the courage to respond
  10. have difficulty not being suspicious of others’ intentions
  11. make a huge deal out of the smallest thing

things you should keep in mind:

  1. we’re scared of everything
  2. pretty much all of the time
  3. it’s an actual disorder
  4. it manifests as impulsive behavior
  5. you can’t fix us with words
  6. telling us “worrying is silly” won’t make us stop worrying
  7. it’ll only make us feel silly
  8. and then we’ll worry even more
  9. “oh god, am i worrying too much? what if they call me silly again?”
  10. like that
  11. also, we wear a lot of armor
  12. cold, heavy, affection-proof armor with spikes
  13. we constructed this armor as children
  14. we’re fairly certain you will never be able to pry it apart
  15. but there is a nice person under there, we promise

things you can do for a friend with an anxiety disorder:

  1. stick around
  2. ask them if they’re comfortable in a place or situation
  3. be willing to change the place or situation if not
  4. activities that help them take their mind off of things are good!
  5. talk to them even when they might not talk back
  6. (they’re probably too afraid to say the wrong thing)
  7. try not to take their reactions (or lack thereof) personally
  8. (the way they expresses themself is distorted and bent because of their constant fear)
  9. (and they knows this)
  10. give them time to respond to you
  11. they will obsess over how they are being interpreted
  12. they will anticipate being judged
  13. it took me four hours just to type this much
  14. even though i sound casual
  15. that’s because i have an anxiety disorder

things you shouldn’t do:

  1. tell us not to worry
  2. tell us we’ll be fine
  3. mistake praise for comfort
  4. ask us if we are “getting help”
  5. force us to be social
  6. force us to do things that trigger us
  7. “face your fears” doesn’t always work
  8. because—remember—scared of everything
  9. in fact, it would be more accurate to say we are scared of the fear itself

emergency action procedure for panic attacks:

  1. be calm
  2. be patient
  3. don’t be condescending
  4. remind us that we’re not “crazy”
  5. sit with us
  6. ask us to tighten and relax our muscles one by one
  7. remind us that we are breathing
  8. engage us in a discussion (if we can talk, then we can breathe)
  9. if we are having trouble breathing, try getting us to exhale slowly
  10. or breathe through our nose
  11. or have us put our hands on our stomach to feel each breath
  12. ask us what needs to change in our environment in order for us to feel safe
  13. help us change it
  14. usually, just knowing that we have someone on our side willing to fight our scary monsters with us is enough to calm us down

if you have an anxiety disorder:

  1. it’s okay.
  2. even if you worry that it’s not okay.
  3. it’s still okay. it’s okay to be scared. it’s okay to be scared of being scared.
  4. you are not crazy. you are not a freak.
  5. i know there’s a person under all that armor.
  6. and i know you feel isolated because of it.
  7. i won’t make you take it off.
  8. but know that you are not alone.

gender-neutral version

My giant spikey armor is my humor. I’ve been developing it my whole life. But, this. This is my life. I hope it gets better with the medication I’ve started, but my whole life is and has always been fear. It’s exhausting. I hope more people understand one day.

actually crying.

my armor is a little bit of everything. by the time i got to high school i was so mean. i was a mean, unhappy person, because the kids i went to elementary school with made the world a mean, scary place. i’m still working on not seeing it that way. and there still aren’t really solutions for the kind of bullying i went through, which was social and sustained—we still don’t understand groupthink, much less know how to explain it to kids who are nine or seven or five. there’s no after-school special on empathy.