So, what’s wrong with the generalization that more sex = liberation? It locates sexual liberation in an experience of white heterosexual femininity. It does not take into the account the different experiences of racialization and sexualization of women, queer and trans people of color. For example, while, straight, middle-class women have been stereotyped as pure, asexual virgins, while women of color have been hypersexualized as exotic, erotic beings (see: Hottentot, harem girl, lotus blossom, fiery Latina, squaw, etc.) For racialized people, adopting a sex-positive attitude does not “liberate” them of such stereotypes, in fact, it fuels them further. In addition, the framework of sex-positivity does not offer a critique of capitalism and the way our sexualities are commodified and exploited, preventing the “free expression” of sex, in the favorite words of sex-positive feminists. Sex-positivity is also ahistorical; it does not take into account the ways attitudes about sex are related to histories of colonialism, especially the colonial imposition of gender and sexual norms. None of this is a particularly new way of thinking by the way, many feminists of color have critiqued sex-positivity for similar reasons.”
Shout-outs to counterstorytelling (aka Mushroom Rage) for this thoughtful, wonderful op-ed that spoke so many truths on so many levels. This article is probably the one where topics of feminism, gender, construct, colonialism, culture, and sexuality all intertwine— not just systemically, but personally as well. (via thephantomcatalyst)
I want to be a strong, female role model for my kids, but I fear staying home won’t provide that. At times, I don’t feel fulfilled by this work either. The separate me gets lost in the rigmarole of everything that has to be done, and that distinctly separate part of me isn’t nourished. I fear that they will see that. I adore mothering and being their mother. I treasure the time I’m able to spend with them, but there’s more to me than that. I want them to know that women are more than vessels for lust and procreation. I fear that, in my role, I’m inadvertently undermining the very values and beliefs I want to instill in my boys.”
i admit it, i’m tired as fuck of these goddamn “raising feminist sons” narratives.
i have a massive critique of the whole “let me tell you how i’m raising my kids” narrative anyway, and the “letter to my son/daughter” thing is equally obnoxious to me. so so so many of these narratives put their child out into the public sphere in a way that is uncomfortable to witness and just…putting the kid into a box just as firmly as gender restrictions/norms do (see: the cute stories with pictures and legal names of sons who wear pink ballerina cloths to school or insist on being a girl for halloween etc).
but in this particular essay—what makes me mad is how it’s all “I.” I do this, I do that, I think this, I don’t want that, I I I I I I I IIIIIIIIIIIII. I.
granted, parenting is one of the most fucking isolating jobs a person has on many levels. but…isn’t that the POINT. that parenting is isolating? and that the ONLY thing that has EVER effected viable social changes towards justice is a MOVEMENT.
in other words, shouldn’t the question be less about what amazing things *I* do as a parent to raise my child into a feminist—but what WE are doing as a community to create a MOVEMENT whereby our sons do not become rapists, murderers, or abuse their partners?
what are WE doing to end violence against women of color and their communities in all its manifestations???
is the point to raise a “feminist” son who knows women can be “more” than a stay at home mom?
or is the point to create community systems and structures whereby a new justice based world emerges and and this unjust world that harms and violates on a mass scale is just no longer necessary?
do we need individual “feminist sons” to create a more just world? or do we need human love, compassion, relationships, and community?
does that make sense? I know all about that constant worry of what will become of your child. I KNOW. but to me the point has never been to show either of my children that girls are just as good as boys or that everybody is “equal”—to me the point has always been to affirm what they naturally as observing human beings notice—there is INJUSTICE in the world. there is MASSIVE levels of injustice. but they are not without power—THIS is how you build a movement. THIS is a loving community that sees all that injustice and is sickened by it and want to change it, just like you do. THIS is how you keep going, even when your’e hopeless, THIS is how you love love love love love.
i will not make a feminist son. I will create skills and share survival tools that maybe even work to change things—and i will make sure my kids, no matter WHO they become or what journey they travel, can use them. i will trust the wisdom of my elders and community. that only together can we make change. that only together and with the support of our community can we become the best individual we were meant to become.
if my child never sees a black person the entire time they grow up (ahem all you white mothers living in suburbs who write these “feminist son” narratives) who *cares* if they know (white) women can be more than stay at home moms?(via iinventedeverything)
i mean, what happens if to raise a “feminist son,’ all the white women (and ‘feminist’ white men) need to consistently over and over and over again, show their kids what it looks like for white people to *remove* themselves from positions of power.
instead of “this is what a “strong female role…
i’ve got a fever
the only cure is dismantling capitalist white supremacist heteropatriarchy
maybe insteading of demanding an apology from a news anchor—or, maybe *in addition to* demanding apology—our great *F*eminist leaders should be asking why 5 mega corporations control almost all of our media in the US. and if that is ok.
Because capitalism :((((
not sure how i feel about this. on the one hand, YES. give this woman credit where credit is due and it is FANTASTIC that she gets to frame herself on her own terms.
on the other hand. we all know what is going on with the *F*eminist #onlinefeminism bullshit. we know how that industry works. and i am extremely EXTREMELY skittish around what the repercussions will be—how this action will be institutionalized and how future actions will be driven by personalities rather than by centering the needs of the victim.
I think it’s super super important to create space for this woman, her work and her understanding of herself and the actions she’s taken—but i need an ANALYSIS of and critical examination of the overall situation and what a *************MOVEMENT************** (there’s that DAMN WORD AGAIN) can learn from it and how it can change and shift etc.
most most most importantly—we need great big huge red lights on the REALITY that so called *F*eminist #onlinefeminism media DID NOT SUPPORT OR FOLLOW UP ON REQUESTS FOR HELP FROM THIS WOMAN. that it was *ANONYMOUS* that did. that the collective action and power that FORCED visible accountability in this case did NOT come from #onlinefeminism.
will #onlinefeminism be brave enough to admit that? and make that truth visible? and critique itself?